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Why are we all complicated?

Where does the habit of seeing the world in black come from? How to put things in order in your head and change your attitude to life?

Transport, work, children, family life, cleaning, buying, kitchen, payment of accounts, entertainment … We have no time to take a breath. And as if this is not enough, in addition, we tend to follow the famous philosophy: “Why simply, if it is difficult?”

Troubles begin with awakening. We cannot decide what to eat for breakfast, we lose a quarter of an hour, rummaging in search of suitable clothes in unusual cabinets, and run out of the apartment, realizing that there was not enough time for the road.

By the time we enter our office, the only thing we have plenty of is stress.

We would like to eat healthy foods, but we do not like to waste time in the kitchen: after all, it is better to spend it with children!

And so we wander around the supermarket for hours, checking whether harmful dyes are contained in frozen dishes, and the children we dreamed of communicating with are whimpering between the shelves and try to load the cart with the most non -ecological products.

What happens in the end? Nervous breakdown, anger, fatigue.

As for relations, we are driven by a sense of duty with an admixture of guilt: we try to be at the same time caring parents, good daughters (or sons) for aging fathers and mothers, indispensable employees, attentive spouses, devoted friends.

And if we fail, trying to combine these difficult roles, we are ready to give up: “This is too much for me, I can no longer!”

Everyone has their own tricks

To switch and restore the clarity of reason, everyone has tricks, more or less successful.

“When I need to figure out something, I am doing a general cleaning,” says 47-year-old Stepanida. But what is suitable for one, the other may not come up.

“I just can’t throw anything. Things accumulate, as well as problems, ”admits 38-year-old Sofia.

Demand gives rise to a proposal, even a new profession has appeared – a lifecock in all its varieties and options: management of time, thoughts, etc.D.

The religious and cultural tradition to which we belong is tuned more likely to sacrifice than for pleasure and rest

Numerous coaches are ready to teach how not to lose heart and achieve the desired result.

To this end, the consultant on personal efficiency issues David Allen invented in 2001 the technique of internal general cleaning to sort and simplify actions: the method “How to put things” (Getting Things Done, or, abbreviated, GTD).

The instructions are simple: to record on external media – a notebook, a notebook, stickers – a long list of things that we must and want to do (pay on accounts, call mom, go to Kolomna …) to look at them from the side.

And the Russian specialist in the productivity of Maxim Dorofeev has his own theory on this score. He came up with the term “mental fuel” (the resource that we use to solve problems and self -control) and calls for protecting it, making thinking more economical.

Here are the habits that, in his opinion, complicate life and eat “mental fuel”: leave incomplete things, think at home about work, and at work – about home problems, constantly be in touch, hang on the network.

Maxim Dorofeev suggests abandoning them and paying serious attention to the fact that we need to regularly restore strength.

The severity of guilt

But besides what we find in ourselves with the help of awareness, there are internal “complicates”, which often remain unconscious.

One of them is a feeling of guilt that prohibits relaxing and orders to make the impossible in order to achieve perfect roles and images that want to correspond.

Judeo -Christian religious and cultural tradition, to which we belong, sets up more likely to sacrifice than pleasure and rest.

Do not forget about the inappropriate narcissism, which moves us away from our genuine “I”: to be significant in our own eyes, we make a schedule that would rather suit the minister. Out of fear that something is not enough for us, we burden ourselves with unnecessary objects and classes.

Why impose this hard work for yourself?

If we look inside ourselves, we will see a child who wanted parents to be proud of. It seemed to him that he would be loved only if he would shine. He is still hovering, like a ghost, in the unconscious perfectionists who are obsessed with impeccable and poison their (and alien) life.

Our tendency to complicate everything – most often a family heritage.

The 35-year-old Oksana admits: “Just a light bulb in the apartment that I rent will burn out, and I already imagine how the owner will come in, will accuse me of negligence and put it on the street. And he will not listen to me that my head is spinning, so I can’t get into a chair to replace the light bulb. And I know where I got from! Mother also makes drama too. If my father did not come home on time, she thought that misfortune happened. Mom always chose the most catastrophic hypothesis “.

The lack of serotonin?

Among those who find it difficult to believe that minor troubles will pass soon, there are people whom the neuropsychiatrist Boris Barunik calls “affective gentle”. They suffer from serotonin deficiency – this is neurotransmitter of the central nervous system that fights depression.

Since they lack this natural antidepressant, they perceive life as a thorny path: every love leads to disappointment, any undertaking is doomed to failure.

For these hypersensitive people, life is difficult initially. Each change in the situation – even a change of chair in the office – causes them a disproportionate large stress.

Sometimes we suddenly remember what is really important-for example, when we encounter difficult events, such as the disease, the loss of a loved one. But is it worth waiting for a life blow?

When our inner world and existence as a whole become so confusing that it poisons life, the best remedy to regain mental peace, turn to a psychotherapist (or psychoanalyst). Start psychotherapy means to restore order in thoughts and aspirations.

Masters of complication

Two types of personality – hystineous and obsessive – lock themselves in a psychological prison, where nothing can never be simple.

Our biological species distinguishes from other mammals the ability to represent disasters that will never happen. He manages to create unreasonable fears, to discuss terrible and absolutely fantastic events for hours as if they are real. But the champions of psychological torture are, undoubtedly, the owners of two types of temperament: histrionic and obsessive.

An alien look is too much

Hystrhenic personalities live tragedies that occur only in their heads, they try to attract the eyes of other people in order to feel alive. “History” means “a man who flaunts himself, a jester”. This word is perhaps too sharply;In any case, these born actors swear, looking directly into your eyes: “I will not complicate anything, fate itself pursues me!”

Faced with difficulty in professional or love life, they ask us for advice, but immediately mention all the proposed decisions. In fact, they want to make us understand that their problem is too exceptional so that we can help them. This is their way to declare their incomparable uniqueness. Before us are comedians, passionate about the performance, but they themselves do not realize the love of drama. The task of psychotherapy is to lead them to the recognition that they share a common fate and that pleasure is not fatal.

You need to control everything too much

Concerning obsessive personalities, They suppress vital energy in themselves for total control of fear that if they weaken attention at least for a second, there will be a tragedy. They dream to forever eliminate the unforeseen, including death.

Since they want to rule over reality, as well as over their thoughts and emotions, they are lost on confusing mental paths. And all this ultimately leads to obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD), which are expressed in repeated actions, at first glance absurd: wash your hands a thousand times, double-check whether water and gas are closed.

Such a

Za početak, niste sami u svemiru. Za većinu muškaraca i žena koji govore o problemima seksualnog smisla – pitanje nije lako. Mnogi se boje osude od strane partnera, drugi percipiraju sve što se događa kao dospjelo, nema sreće kamagra hrvatska unutra” i ne zamišlja da seks ne može postati jednostavno bolji, ali fantastično lijep.

person, obsessed with thoughts of death, tries to be away from microbes and other dangers and avoid situations in which you need to make a choice: after all, to choose means to symbolically kill one of the possibilities. This personality always fluctuates between two partners, two professional offers. The internal atmosphere of doubt makes her put it off for tomorrow – either act, and then regret decisions.

But when she finally manages to take on the obligation, nothing will force her to retreat from him. One of Freud’s most famous patients, Ernst Lanzer, nicknamed the “man-Crys”, suffered from obsessive neurosis. The treatment was to free him from internal prohibitions, locks that forbade him to enjoy life. Unfortunately, the story is silent that it was next to him: Death overtook Ernst Lanzer during the war of 1914–1918.

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